Somethin's Gotta Give

Double booked. Cross-Scheduled. Chicken-What-Ain't-Got-No-Head

Yep, that describes last week. But hey, I can juggle the balls, keep it all together, right?
Just when you start to get cocky about what you can and you can't do, the earth will jump up and knock you in the head just to bring you back to reality.

So there I was, organized, dressed to the nines, heading to a talk at VCU.
I was about two blocks from the lecture hall when in the distance, I saw the "walk/don't walk" sign change and begin the count-down. So of course, a half-block away, I picked up my pace to make the crossing.

And that's when the earth came up to smack some sense into my head. And down I went.

You have to understand, when a woman of my, er, girth, is suddenly met with the reality of gravity, it is not a graceful reunion. I came down with a gutteral thud... on brick sidewalk... that was crowded with plenty of witnesses.

But it gets worse.

After taking a brief assessment to assure nothing was broken, I looked up to see that the most direct witness was a young man. A beautiful young man. He, of course, came over to check on me.

"Are you alright, Ma'am?"
And there's another reality check. "Ma'am". Because, like I said before, he's probably younger than my kids. I'm old!

"Yes, thank you. I'm fine... I think." I start picking myself up off of the sidewalk. Again, this is not a graceful thing, when a woman of my size tries to get up off of the ground. Toddlers are meant to be in this position, on hands and knees. Not grown women in their nicest clothes, with their purses and briefcases and contents strewn out in front of them.

The sweet young man retrieved my glasses and my rubber chicken.

Yes, I said, "rubber chicken". (Remember, I was giving a talk in an hour. Who doesn't go in prepared to give a talk with their rubber chicken.)

The young man hands me my glasses and my rubber chicken and asks again. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes," I say. "My rubber chicken broke my fall."

On the bright side, I had a story to lead with when I gave my talk an hour later. The title of the talk: "Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road". The amended talk title: "Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? The Light Said, 'Walk'".

Stupid Chicken.


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